Again it's that time of the year...

yeah, it is...time for holidays, family meals, making memories, staying indoors, reflecting on the current year and repositioning for the year ahead.  At least that is how it is for me!  Sitting here reading a few things (one to include TD Jakes' Relationship Bible), getting acquainted with my journal again, and thinking about where I am and how can I get to where I want to be from here is provoking many thoughts in me!  No doubt my life is changing even while I feel stagnant (just sometimes) and battle the up and down feelings of the excitment of impending mommyhood, confusion for not being a 100% on what I want to do with the rest of my life, and alone because I don't really feel like the friends I have had, some since forever, and I have a whole lot in common anymore.  Not to mention being pregnant and unwed has taken its toll on me here and there as well.  I pictured the ring before the baby carriage but due to untimely decision making things got real and life had something else planned.  So, my reality has become baby carriage no ring with complete contentment as I ponder about the horrible state of monogamy and the incline of divorce rates.  I no longer know if I EVER want to marry forreal!!  Oprah and Stedmond's lifestyle is looking like a go for me!  No contract, no vows, no big to do, no lifetime expectations, and no lies about for better or worse, sickness and health, rich or for poor til death we part!  I mean is anyone celebrating an anniversary?!?!  I'm sure the anniversaries of marriages will become just as extinct as dinosaurs by 2030!  Sad, a lover of Disney movies, namely Cinderella...I once became elated at the thought of marriage.  Things do change...

So, it's time to take inventory because I'm ever changing as well!!  What will my New Years post contain?!?  Besides the blessing of a beautiful, healthy, happy baby girl...what do I want REALLY?!? Time to refocus the life plan!

My Grammy Predictions...



Album of the Year Winner: Adele, 21
Record of the Year Winner: Adele, Rolling in the Deep
Song of the Year Winner:  Toss up between Bruno Mars for "Grenade" and Adele "Rolling in the Deep"
Best New Artist Winner:  Nicki Minaj...hands down!  I'm not a fan, but it is what it is.
Best Pop Solo Performance Winner:  Lady Gaga "You and I"...I could be wrong but Gaga won't be empy handed

Best Rock Album Winner:  Kings of Leon "Come Around Sundown"
Best R&B Album:  Chris Brown "F.A.M.E" ....album was hott!!! *Look at me now*
Best Rap/Song Collaboration Winner:  Kanye, Rhianna, Cudi, Fergi "All of the Lights"
Best Rap Performance Winner: Chris Brown, Lil Wayne, Busta Rhymes "Look at me Now"
Best Rap Album Winner: Watch the Throne but Pink Friday was number 1 for a year...we'll see who wins

Best Country Solo Performance Winner:  Mean by Taylor Swift ...just cause it's Taylor Swift.  She will also win for Best Country Song for the same song

And I'm not familiar with any of the artists and bands in the other categories so no prediction from me there! 

Thisss!!!!

Throwbaaaack!!!!

Although a little before my time I am a HUGE fan of the New Jack Swing era of music and this is a fave!!

CUFFn Season....

I love the holiday season but as unreal as it seems, I'm still getting used to maneuvering through CUFFn season as a single gal *Grrrrrr*

I'm not the girl that feels like life is over because she doesn't have a beau BUT it's holiday season!!  The smell of pine and peppermint are in the air, there is an abundance of time and money to be spent on those we love most;  Boys II Men, Mariah Carey, Destiny's Child, Temptations, and Nat King Cole are all over the holiday airwaves, holiday movies are coming out left & right...and who doesn't love Christmas day snuggling??  Breakfast in bed, movies, Christmas morning passion, switching gifts, more holiday passion (LOL), dinner with the fam, then more snuggling with family, fire, and lots of memory making!!

Winter is the season of love but for a self proclaimed hopeless romantic, it can be the season of "woe is me."  Moreso than Valentines, to me, the holiday season is all about romance.  Think about it you have the lights, fragrances, cold weather to keep you in, family meals, Christmas gifting is all about mystery and mystery has always been sexy! .....

Let me snap out of it because none of that is what the season is really about, well, not completely anyway but the holidays and romance are like frick and frack, they simply just go together!!! My Christmas list is rather short all I want is a happy, HEALTHY, baby girl in the new year but a new, tall, dark, handsome, unexpected, fresh, romance to crush on would be nice too :)

Sooo Santa baby jazz it up a bit this year or next

ONE WEEK 'TIL MY 24TH BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!! 

" Treat a girl who’s not your girlfriend like she’s the love of your life and she will wait for the title forever"

~Black Girls Are Easy~

Damn!  Have I been that girl?  Of course I have, and so have many of the women I know.  I would be willing to bet that all women have, at least once.  What girl has not been the one saving up all her love coins for the jackpot that we THINK is the him that all BUT committs!  Seemingly it is all there; Chemistry, you go out, you meet everyone, you're seemingly the apple of his eye, he's investing time, affection, pillow talk, the works, it varies from situation to situation (I've lived this, my girlfriends have all at some point complained of this), EXCEPT when the topic of monogamy arises.  He's always not ready or unavailable for whatever reason.  Maybe it's distance (rolls eyes), or he's afraid of being hurt again (the okie doke), focusing on his career, can't provide for you the way he'd like to at the moment, blah blah blah...no need to proceed because we know the excuses proceed for miles!!  However, no matter what, WE, ol' loyal, find every reason in the book to be his ol' reliable...actually loving him and being committed to him while in actuality he is only NOT wifing you because he is waiting for whomever it is he actually wants and is actively seeking her while you love all over him or pitifully wait for the opportunity to. Yea, like Wendy Williams says, he is our boyfriend "in our heads", but you are only his "buddy" appropiate for every position but his ONE, his boo thing, his girl!  Crazy we find ourselves "in love" (the completely false version) with him and have never met his mama, the relationship talk is foreign territory, and despite our unconditional loyalty the reality is it is mostly physical, for the time being, or not what he wants at all.

With all of that said...WHY is it that we women continue to make excuses to rationalize our very illogical choices to stay in his corner??  Because like the quote above is saying...it's all for the title, the championship ring, the fantasy (picket fence, family portraits, kids, dog, and family vacays).  Don't get me wrong, he may want that BUT not with you... BUT yet you think  IF you could just get him to this or that, or if YOU could just DO this or that, say this or that...you'll be his top shelf choice.  How many times has that formula failed???  It always does!  I'ts sickening...what makes him so worthy/!?!?  And it's even more horrible when you recognize the crazy pattern in your own life in different degrees at different times but you notice it, it's there  Yea, I'm kinda guilty as I type this and have been in my past- hence the use of the word WE throughout the post, but in my Patti voice "its a newww day!!"